Experiencing something upsetting or traumatic, whether in our work or personal life, immediately makes many people recoil and isolate themselves. We suck it up. We decide it\u2019s better to be on our own. No connection means not getting hurt. We\u2019re protecting ourselves.<\/p>\n

The more I learn about emotion, memory and suffering, the more I realize that the idea of isolating yourself to protect yourself just makes you more miserable, angry & frustrated. It\u2019s a cycle that perpetuates itself.<\/p>\n

But the alternative can be overwhelming. To connect requires you to be vulnerable \u2013 vulnerable to the exact hurt that has caused you to isolate yourself.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the catch: if you close yourself off to pain, you also close yourself off to love and connection. A wise, dear friend once told me this when I was experiencing overwhelming emotional and physical pain (Thanks Brig!).<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the other<\/em> catch: If you don\u2019t have the tools to keep you grounded and safe as you reach out for love (acceptance, support etc.), you will get hurt again and it will be painful.<\/p>\n

Acknowledge you don\u2019t have the skills \u2013 at least to yourself. To do otherwise won\u2019t help.<\/p>\n

Realize, as well, that many of us don\u2019t have the skills to keep us grounded and safe.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re taught to read, write and count but not how to accept feelings and emotions, listen to each other\u2019s pain without casting judgment, communicate empathetically or communicate clearly on what our expectations and boundaries are.<\/p>\n

If you want to protect yourself from hurt you need to connect. Not isolate.<\/p>\n

You need a support system.<\/u><\/em><\/strong> It\u2019s one of the ways to be resilient in the face of work and personal challenges.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how it works: At the core of this support system is you<\/u><\/em><\/strong>. If you are not there for you no one else can<\/u><\/em> <\/strong>be there for you. The buy-in to take care and support yourself needs to come from within. You need to be your best friend<\/strong><\/em><\/span>. Around this core is your community. The one that supports you in all the imaginable and unimaginable ways you will need.<\/p>\n

How do you get this support system?<\/p>\n

There are\u00a03 steps:<\/p>\n

\n
1. It starts with cultivating self-awareness, which requires curiosity, acknowledgment and acceptance of yourself<\/u><\/strong>.<\/li>\n
2. A by-product of this process is clarity on what your wants and needs are as well as your boundaries. \u00a0In order to have a support system you need to communicate what you want and what you don\u2019t want.<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n
3. You also need to learn how<\/strong><\/em> to communicate with others. Again, you will need to be curious, actively listen, acknowledge what is being said and<\/u><\/em><\/strong> be clear of your intentions, expectations and boundaries.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

   Feeling overwhelmed at the task? Yeah, I felt the same way. I still do from time to time. The difference now is I know. I know that using these tools keep me from feeling miserable and powerless. As scary and as difficult as it is to practice these skills I do so anyway because I reap the rewards.<\/p>\n

   I still have my challenges in my personal and professional life but how I react to them has changed.<\/p>\n

   I am more compassionate to myself and others. The result is trust and relationships that support me and take my work to another level of making a positive impact.<\/p>\n

   I am also incredibly clear on what my expectations and boundaries are. Instead of feeling under-valued and dismissed, I have a voice and I use it. I will not be shut down or told my perspective doesn\u2019t matter. I use my energy more wisely. Trying to be heard by people who don\u2019t want to listen is pointless. Flowing around them like a river moving around obstructions is how I choose to work now.\u00a0I feel empowered instead of defeated!<\/p>\n

   Before you meet your next life or work challenge, take the time to build your support system.<\/p>\n

   How?<\/p>\n

   Reading this post\u00a0is a first step. The next step is to take action.<\/p>\n

   Signing up for my toolkit is one way to do this. It\u2019s simple and it\u2019s free. You sign-up here <\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/span>and you receive your starter kit as well as future posts.<\/p>\n

   This path may lead you to seek out training and coaching on how to build your relationship management skills to improve project implementation; learn how to address power dynamics, conflict and difficult conversations; avoid burn-out and improve your resilience skills click\u00a0here<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0for more info & to sign-up for a free needs assessment.<\/p>\n

   A nod of respect from me to you.
   \nYou are taking the time and investing your energy in something worthwhile;
   \nTo be empowered to make a difference.<\/p>\n

   <\/a><\/p>\n

   N.B.<\/p>\n

   What the story behind the picture above? Rachel is a soul sister and was my support system when we worked and lived overseas. She still is! Namaste Rachel.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

   Experiencing something upsetting or traumatic, whether in our work or personal life, immediately makes many people recoil and isolate themselves. We suck it up. We decide it\u2019s better to be on our own. No connection means not getting hurt. We\u2019re protecting ourselves. The more I learn about emotion, memory and suffering, the more I realize… Continue reading One Way To Build Your Resilience.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":292,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empowerment__resilience","entry"],"yoast_head":"\n