Here’s what I hear a lot from well-meaning leaders of organizations who have offended staff when it comes to racism and hate: “That’s not my intention.”
There’s a look on the offended person’s face that’s judgmental, dismissive, or angry.
Their response is a variation of this: You’re not listening to what I’ve said.
This is followed by what’s become the standard response by leaders who have been advised to actively listen in these circumstances but don’t know how to do it well:
I acknowledge what you’ve said. > Insert here the word-for-word concerns and grievances stated by the offended person.<
So, the leaders think: I’ve done it! I’ve actively listened! The offended person is obviously unwilling to meet me halfway. At this point, they are uncooperative and too emotional. The concern raised is only from a few people; frankly, they’re creating toxicity amongst all of us!
The leaders move on, satisfied that they have done what EDI experts recommend: actively listen and acknowledge.
They dismiss the concerns and note how uncooperative staff, middle management, and/or EDI experts are—especially those marginalized.
I call this weaponized acknowledgment.
Weaponized acknowledgment is toneless and disingenuous.
It’s when you mirror exactly what the other person has said but with indifference.
It’s clear you’re fed-up and that the other person needs to suck up their emotions and move towards a solution.
It’s why:
• quiet quitting persists.
• employee resource groups are defunct.
• leaders can’t retain diverse leadership to lead and implement their EDI strategy.
While well-meaning leaders have no intention of weaponizing acknowledgment, they do so unwittingly.
When faced with difficult emotions, hard truths, and requirements to make changes that take away some power (all needed for a truly EDI environment), some leaders choose to:
• Be right rather than get it right.
• Shame others for an emotional reaction.
• Insist on people fitting in rather than belonging and
• Resist change.
So, what’s the solution?
Practice Power With Vs. Power Over
If you’re a well-meaning leader who genuinely wants a diverse, inclusive, and effective work environment, this means accepting shifts of power from you to others AND understanding that this does not make you powerless.
Too often, well-meaning leaders haven’t built their capacity to deal with change. They default to holding on to power over all decisions rather than sharing power with others to find sustainable solutions.
Build your capacity to become the leader needed today.
One who knows that:
- sharing power with others,
- recognizing differences,
- respecting and valuing different perspectives, talents, expertise, and lived experience
leads to innovation, meaningful impact and a happy work environment.
You’ll have less stress, more flow, and achieve desired outcomes. Try to control all decisions and you get the opposite.
Change How We Understand Accountability
Too many times, well-meaning leaders view accountability as a tool for reprimand rather than seeing it as a productive way to solve problems.
When it comes to accountability for racism and hate, can you shift from feeling judged, misunderstood, and reprimanded to noting the opportunity presented to you to work collaboratively for sustainable, relevant solutions?
Accept that Building EDI Cultures is an Emotional Journey
As I write this, I am living in a world with multiple ongoing genocides, where people fear that being who they are will result in harassment, detention, violence, and death.
In this context, it makes sense to be emotional. It’s unnatural not to be!
Weaponized acknowledgement will not solve the problem when faced with emotional calls for accountability.
Remember, it’s ok to have an emotional and physiological reaction to being held accountable. It’s normal.
Build your capacity for resilience. Pause. Reflect. Be curious. Assume positive intent from those holding you to account.
Build your capacity to have difficult conversations that result in improved relations and lasting solutions.
If you genuinely want to build an EDI, anti-racist, belonging culture, you need to accept that doing so is an emotional journey.
Accepting this makes decisions easier.
Choose to accept maintaining the status quo.
Or, accept the emotional journey, evolve, and realize true equity, diversity, and inclusion.
P.S. What would it be like for me to train your team on EDI, Anti-Racism and Belonging? Here’s what what Charlotte had to say:
“Jo’s training helped equip my team with knowledge and skills to navigate difficult emotions and difficult conversations in the workplace. I appreciated Jo’s thorough approach in understanding my team’s context and customizing training accordingly. My team particularly appreciates Jo’s warmth and humour, and the concrete steps she gave us for dealing with difficult emotions, active listening, and preparing for difficult conversations.
I value Jo’s holistic approach to training, bringing in elements of neuroscience, mindful communication, conflict resolution and values-based team building. I would happily recommend Jo to groups and organizations looking to better understand and navigate conflict.”
Charlotte, Director of Development and Member Services
Want to build your team’s capacity to have difficult conversations for impactful, innovative results? Sign up for an info chat to learn about my training, consulting, and coaching services.