Early this year, I spoke at a Symposium where the question, “How is Women, Peace and Security Being Taught? was asked.
In attendance was an international group of academics, military and women’s civil society.
To answer the question, I had to name our context.
It’s one where:
- USAID was suddenly shut down,
- human rights violations were continuing in Gaza, Sudan, Yemen, and so many other places,
- and where women activists working on Women, Peace and Security asked me: What’s the point?
This question was asked because they continued to be ignored despite being asked for their advice, experience, expertise, and relevant solutions. As a result, human rights continued to be violated, and people continued to die when their deaths were preventable.
What’s the point?
Capacity Gaps in Women, Peace and Security Initiatives
With this question in mind, I named the one glaring capacity gap many people working on Women, Peace, and Security don’t have.
They don’t know how to deal with difficult emotions.
When women activists express their valid concerns and share their advice delivered with emotions of anger, frustration, and sadness, many times the response from others is:
“She’s too emotional. She needs to work within the parameters of this discussion.”
OR
“It wasn’t my intention to offend.”
Usually, the response to this by women activists is: “You’re not listening to me.”
What they understand from this interaction is the other party is unable to:
• Meaningfully acknowledge what they have said and
• Be accountable.
Instead, what follows is what I have coined Weaponized Acknowledgment.
Weaponized Acknowledgment is disingenuous, toneless, indifferent, or resentful acknowledgement.
It annihilates goodwill and trust.
It makes it clear to a women activist that the other party is fed-up and that she needs to suck up her emotions and move towards a solution within the parameters offered to her.
Real Solutions for Women, Peace, and Security
The objective of the United Nations Security Council Resolutions on Women, Peace and Security is to make possible the meaningful participation of women in peace processes, including ensuring the application of a gender lens in all aspects of peace and security initiatives for gender equity.
For that to happen, we need to close gaps so that women are taken seriously.
Closing the gaps looks like this:
- Learn to actively listen
- Shift from a Power-Over Approach to A Power-With Approach
- Change Your Perception of Accountability
- Don’t Waste Everyone’s Time – Yours and Others
Breaking it down
Active Listening
Here’s how you know you are doing active listening right.
It tests your ego and your resilience.
It requires acknowledging the other person’s truth regardless of whether you agree with it or not.
It means you are fully present in your thoughts, emotions, actions and words.
You’re not simultaneously having a different conversation in your head as you listen.
Shift from a Power-Over Approach to A Power-With Approach
You know you’ve shifted from a Power-Over approach to a Power-With approach when you have decided to take a real risk: releasing power over all decisions and instead sharing power with others to find sustainable and innovative solutions.
You do this because you take their recommendations, based on lived experience, seriously and accept that you don’t have all the answers.
Change Your Perception of Accountability
You’ve genuinely embraced accountability when you change how you perceive it.
When you no longer feel like it’s a tool for reprimand but an invitation to accept the problem for what it is, AND work with others opened to different approaches for the best and relevant solutions – that’s when you’ve changed how you perceive it!
Don’t Waste Everyone’s Time – Yours and Others
It’s a waste of everyone’s time to say you want to listen to different women’s voices and implement their proposed solutions when you can’t or won’t.
Will you be judged if you can’t or won’t listen and implement their solutions?
Likely.
More importantly, you will be appreciated for not intentionally or unintentionally deceiving people into thinking that their voice matters.
It saves you and women activists time and energy on where to best apply efforts.
If including women’s voices and experiences matters to you and your organization, ask: “How can we make it happen?”
Remember, the way to close the gap on how Women, Peace and Security is taught and implemented is to learn how to deal with difficult emotions.
Want to learn more about how to avoid Weaponized Acknowledgment or how to actively listen?
Read these posts:
Why Good Intentions can Reinforce Racism and Hate
How to Get Someone to Listen to You
A nod of respect from me to you.
You are taking the time and investing your energy in something worthwhile:
To be empowered to make a difference.
P.S.Want to leadership coaching on how to manage your team with an anti-racist, decolonized approach? Sign up for an info chat here.