Want a promotion?
Want to get buy-in for your idea from your team or boss?
Want to change structures in Human Resources for true equity, diversity, and inclusion?
Well, you need to learn how to disagree and self-advocate.
Ways of Disagreeing That Don’t Work.
Being able to disagree doesn’t mean hiding your real intent by fawning over them or hiding your real intent.
It isn’t saying: “I’m just saying…”
It also doesn’t mean being able to raise your voice above the person you’re talking to, talking over them, or not taking “no” for an answer.
Being able to disagree means being clear about what you won’t compromise on AND being curious to listen to pushback openly—no defensiveness or offensiveness.
So, how do you do it?
4 Steps on How to Disagree
Step 1: Be clear and succinct about what you want.
If you want a promotion, don’t discuss other points in the meeting too.
When the conversation diverts from your aim, refocus it on what you want to discuss.
Don’t ramble. Take time to prepare in order to be clear.
Eliminate assumptions. Be direct. Name what you want.
“I want this promotion.”
“I want these resources to enable my team to be productive AND inclusive.“
“I want accountability for harassment in the workplace.”
Step 2: Connect your solution to their interests.
Connect what you want from Human Resources, a leader, colleagues, or staff by linking the solution to how it supports what they care about, including:
- policies,
- procedures,
- values (the company’s and their own if you know what they are),
- the company vision and mission statements, and
- their reputation – the company’s and their own.
Make it clear that your solution directly supports all of these.
Remember to speak their language.
Use the keywords from inclusivity statements, value definitions, vision and mission statements, and what they have personally said to help them hear you easily.
Step 3: Practice curiosity.
Ask them what they think about your solution.
What are their reasons to say no to what you’ve proposed?
What other solutions do they have in mind?
Do they see the problem you see or something different?
These questions allow you to understand their perspective.
They also give you information and pain points you can address to overcome disagreements instead of guessing what they might be and being wrong.
Step 4: Give space for grace.
Remember, you came prepared to ask for what you want. The other party may not be ready for the conversation or to make a decision on what you’ve asked for.
If you want buy-in for what you’ve proposed, give them time.
Acknowledge their comments.
Remember, acknowledgment is not agreement.
Don’t weaponize acknowledgment by being disingenuous, toneless, indifferent, or resentful when you mirror or summarize what they’ve said. Doing so will annihilate goodwill and destroy trust.
Demonstrate that you have taken in their points and model the active listening you want from them.
Ask for a date and time to meet about your solution and what actions will be taken next.
Maybe they promote you. Perhaps they don’t.
They may give you the resources. Maybe not.
Maybe they hold harassers to account. Or not.
Regardless of the decision, you have undeniable clarity as a result of taking thoughtful, precise action.
Avoid stewing. Learn how to disagree and advocate for what you need.
P.S. I provide career, leadership, self-advocacy, and life coaching. Learn about it here. Next, book a free needs assessment. You can also send me an e-mail at jo@jorodrigues.net.